Wednesday, April 9, 2014

A Sneak Peak in a working mother's mind

Pay It Forward

 I admit that I am a feminist and am proud of being so. I truly believe that there is nothing impossible for a woman and she always comes out as a winner. Women's web is contributing a lot to boost the morale of women and I hope my blog too contributes in the minutest way!

Trupti Jamalpure-Sharma

It is 10 pm on a Friday night. The weather today has been extremely bright and sunny which is not very British. British food and whether are two horrible things. I couldn’t stop laughing when I read about a board chalked – ‘handmade sandwiches are available’ in a bistro. Aren’t sandwiches handmade always?   I remember the first year when I read the huge posters, banners, and billboards flashing about ‘The Great British Summer’. I smirked at how an Indian could believe that Great Britain too has a great anyways, A (daughter) and K (husband) are in deep slumber. I finished the house hold chores and rubbing some moisturising cream between my palms and spreading it on my forehand. I walk to A and gently stoke her hair, feel her soft cheeks and give her good night kiss on her forehead.  I walk to the hall and crash sloppily on the sofa. A makes her presence obvious with all her toys on the floor. I see at her soft toys Snowy the rabbit, Poppy baby leopard (it looks like an owl though) and Browny the dog. I am too caught at their big wide open eyes and can see that they are missing A. The next thing on my mind is to clear and tidy up the house but then I want some boost/kick to do that. I drag up to the kettle and make some tea and sit back on the sofa with knees touching my chin looking at the vapours from the tea making different shapes and disappearing in the air. Simple pleasures of life-having a cuppa of tea so peacefully. I don’t remember if I have had a peaceful morning tea, breakfast, lunch and dinner ever since I have become a mother. It is a waste of time to think on when was the last time I did so!
With sipping my tea and resting my head on the sofa I start thinking - being a working mom was by choice to me. I have always liked to be working but things change when you have a baby. Once upon a time a free bird, awesome college days, bunch of friends going for window shopping, lazy weekends, treks and sometimes simply doing nothing everything seem to be a dream after a baby. The baby is your world. I admit that I was so confused about taking a full time job and I bet same is the case with the entire working mother’s class. Being independent is definitely exhilarating but it comes with demerits. I remember the first day when my baby went to the nursery. I almost sat on a bench on the lane besides her nursery absorbed in my thoughts if this is the right thing for her. Am I dumping her? This fight within me was on and on for several months. I regret not being able to spend time with her but career too is important. A good professional life gives you an identity. I could never correlate with girls sacrificing their careers for family unless they came from an extremely rich family (some or rather many would disagree). For me it is not about money but I do love being a multifaceted person. It gives a lot of meaning to my life and I definitely would want my daughter to be like me. I am brought to present by a beep on my mobile…it’s an email. I read the mail and then walk to the bedroom to check A. She is sleeping and looks gorgeous, innocent and an angel. Smiling I am back to the sofa. I put on some music – hindi oldies. I love songs by Rafi, Manna De – classics. I am in love with this time, the musical time. In between I too doodle with the ongoing song. I have sipped through half a mug of tea and happen to gaze at the wall with A’s picture on it. My baby-My life.
I wonder from where a woman manages to get this drive, courage and determination of being everything-a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend, a colleague, an employee etc. I have grown up reading that motherhood completes a woman and now I agree to it. She wants to master the art of being perfect in every relation and every role she plays. This disorder of being perfect is frustrating. In the bargain of being perfect does she ever realize if she is happy? A friend of mine told me long back that one should never try to be a superwoman. Unable to master and be perfect is so human after all no one is perfect. At this point of time I realize what it takes to be a superwoman and I am glad that I am not. I wake up every morning with determination that I would achieve everything on my agenda but as the day progresses I sometimes hit a low. I am exhausted, I miss A, I start seeing her pictures on my mobile, I curse myself for being selfish to have her left at the nursery, I want to be an efficient employee. In this I totally forget what about MYSELF? I feel miserable if I can’t cook something for dinner. I want to pack a healthy lunch box every day for K. I want to be Annapurna and see that we eat well. Finally with his help I manage to end my day with cooking some fresh food and I feel content. It does take a lot to be a mother rather parent. I see K is such a tremendous support to me. Our success is not ours as it always depends on several factors. I owe my success as being a working mother to A and K. They have understood me through this journey and I appreciate this.
The ‘Me’ time is very rejuvenating. Don’t give up on doing what you like. Being a wife, mother should not stop you from doing what you want. Keep up your hobbies as they will always freshen up your mood. It is OKAY if are selfish sometimes – don’t carry the guilt of any decision. Caring about what people will say? Remember people will always have something to say on your decisions. They can’t take control on your life and decisions. I believe a happy woman makes a happy home. It is sensible to change with changing times. I finish my cuppa and come back to present. This ME time was very healing. I felt so relaxed, healed from the exhaustion and stress. The sound of music had a soothing and calming effect on me. In this time I spent with myself I was transformed from a working mother to a mother and wanted to go back to A – cuddle her, kiss her and wanted to tell her that I am blessed to be her mother. The icing on the cake was the weekend with more time to spend with her…I decide that when I am a mother I will not try to be a wife, an employee or anything else. I won’t stress myself to be a superwoman…I love this change and I am more at peace with myself.

Pay it forward:

I pay it forward to my mother who is my first guru. She taught me to read, write and be a woman of substance. Also to Father who always believed that daughters outshine sons.

I pay it forward to my little daughter for making a proud mother.

I pay it forward to Bapat Madam for making me know my potential.

I pay it forward to all the females who have contributed to what I am today...Thank you Ladies..Love you!

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