Hello Reader Friends,
We all have (especially the female readers) share a very special bond with our mothers. This relationship is an evolving one and comes at par with the universal father-daughter camaraderie, which is blatantly endorsed with great pride. Interestingly, most of us girls become friends with our mothers when we experience motherhood as opposed to father-daughter bond. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, we daughters are so different than out fathers but yet they are our benchmark (largely).
It is a generation thing that I do not have any such memory of sitting with my mother in childhood and discussing about my fights with my friends, issues at school, or in general my understanding of life. Who cared? She had chores to do and then life was not so complicated because we ignored. As a result, our generation never spoke about what we felt! Or we had mastered the art of ignorance. Sometimes ignorance is a bliss but not always. And our generation would agree their personal flaws, setbacks, issues owing to the kind of upbringing we had. It was a fantastic childhood, gadget free and 'less was more'. But we could have a meaningful one.
Coming to the point, yesterday I had a heartfelt discussion with my daughter. It has become necessary to have a conversation with her since we live in a nuclear family, and grandparents are a video call away. I am glad that we spoke and she shared her thoughts. My daughter is very opinionated and raises her concerns. I like that the most about her. But she easily gets disheartened when things do not go as per her expectations. I cannot say about others but she does have a certain temper.
Temper: I explained to her that temper is acquired and not innate. When we were born, we were blessed with organs, blood, bones, feeling of hunger (baby cries when hungry), feeling of satisfaction (baby is quiet when fed), feeling of happiness (baby is happy when we blow raspberries). A newly born does not know anger. Then how do we get angry while we grow? If we were not gifted then we should not allow that feeling of 'anger' to be a part of our system. She understood but I hope she remembers and implements it. Temper is bad and unnecessary. A person with temper will always be left alone. Why would someone spend time with him, no matter how rich, intelligent, he is!
Gratitude: We spoke of gratitude. While kids today have access to almost everything they want, and we as parents make sure to provide them beyond their needs. Our generation of kids got things way below our needs that is just the opposite! We also get angry and disappointed when we are not grateful. So rather than saying 'why I do not have this?' be grateful for 'whatever I have.' Then she replied, 'With this sort of feeling I will never become successful. She said if I will be happy with little success then I will stop working and I will not get more success'. She is correct. But then a lot of what we achieve in our life is due to discipline and consistency. We must first celebrate the little success, be grateful and work on it to make it a big success. She nodded, it appealed her.
Stop pleasing: This happens a lot with children. While they are innocent and resilient but they are sensitive too. When all those differences with friends happen and they want to hold on to their friends, however wrong the friends are, the child tries to fit-in. The trait of pleasing creeps in. Though my daughter is known for her bluntness but she does see her other friends being popular because they can please others. I told her that it works for them but not for you. You should never please anyone just be in their friends list. You are what you are. Be humble, polite, nice and kind, but do not please anyone.
It took me years to understand this, to learn to appreciate my gifts, and I am sharing that very early on with her. Eventually we all have our journeys but the learnings are important. There is a difference between journey in a Benz and a normal basic model second hand car. The good parents, who set a dialogue are like a Benz car. They will make the child's journey, a happy one.
You only get experience when you do not get what you want - Randy Pausch.
And sharing that experience is only right.
At last, for all this 'gyaan', she hugged me and said, 'I love you Aai because you respect me, and understand me better.' We both slept well.