Recently I have
been very actively writing blogs to an extent realizing that I am enjoying this
very much. Further adding to my enthusiasm I created a page so that people know
that I am serious about writing. There have been a few loyal friends who have
been reading, commenting, agreeing and disagreeing with my views but all in a
healthy way. A dear friend ‘Dr (Mrs )USD’ posed a question about my thoughts on
movies like Gulabi Gang, Revolver Rani, in a way she wanted to know about the
‘violent streak in women’. I promised her that I will come up with my thoughts
in the form of a blog. So concocting this blog has been a bit tough for me as
the topic is serious, thought provoking and needs understanding of psychology
behind the violent streak. I am into writing something that categorizes as
‘feel good’ but I decided to come up with something sensible not because I
promised USD but it was a challenge for me to push my limits, compelled me to
come out of my comfort zone.
I thought hard
that what violence means to me. How would I define violence? Unable to come up with a proper definition but can visualize violence. I can relate violence with physical power, anger,
hatred, agony and destruction. The batterer causes intentional physical damage
(injury or death), psychological damage (threat, diffidence) to the battered.
To simplify this, a person who is violent has to be powerful to harm someone
(weak) physically first and then psychologically. Is ‘Violence’ gender
specific? If violence is associated with power then it can or has to be gender
specific. It is said that Men are from Mars and Women from Venus. Mars
represents anger, power and so does Man. The society, be it Indian or any other
has always been dominated by Men – aggressive, strong, powerful. On the other
hand Venus which represents Women is calm, soothing, and quiet. Women are not
strong, powerful physically as Men are but they are emotionally strong,
composed. I have no answer to why always in our society Man has been on the
giving end and Woman on the receiving!?
I would like to mention that there have been well known social reformers in India who have toiled hard to bring in gender equality in the Indian society but we need more active reformers. I now shift my
focus on Violence in Women – fairly based on my observation as a child,
teenager and now a woman in the Indian Society. I completely understand and
accept any contradictions to my thoughts.
Power and
strength has been misused by Man leading to mistreatment of Woman by physically
abusing her (domestic violence), Injury or Death (Gang rapes). India is known
for its diversity, different cultures, customs, traditions, languages but all
unanimously agree on an unwritten rule that Man is the whole and sole head of
the family, he knows all and is always right. A Man is bestowed with these
qualities by birth. Does being a Woman mean that one has to be compromising,
understanding, subdued always? I classify Women in two sects
Scenario in
weaker sect:
There are
families especially categorized as below poverty line where the bread
earner is a Woman. She works as a maid, on construction sites or anything that
can earn her a meal or two for her family. The Man (husband) from such families
finds prestige in drinking alcohol, physically abusing their respective wives
only because he is powerful. Women bear all this for the sake of her children
and there is no much support from the society to stop such abuse. What happens
to the Women? The weaker commit suicide and the stronger survive but they have
to live with this abuse throughout their lives.
In such
situations violent, agitated females like Phoolan Devi (Bandit Queen), Sampat
Lal Devi (of Gulabi Gang) arise with uncommon heroism. They were not born as
rebellions but were made. They were normal girls who fantasized a normal life
but were married at a very young age to a much older Man. They faced marital
mistreatments left them embittered. Caught between a desire to lead a normal
life and a brutal society these females were left with no choice. ‘Die or
Survive’ and they chose to survive but not as a sufferer anymore. They are the
rebels, insurgents that the society has created who carried the flag of heroism
and called a war against all such brutal Men in the society who made life
miserable for the Women. Phoolan Devi was supposedly worshipped as an
incarnation of Durga Devi. Sampat Pal Devi’s Gulabi Gang has tens of thousands
of women today who look after several issues related to women other than of
physical mistreatment. Can we state that the cause in gender discrimination?
Making of
Phoolan or Sampat is a process which can be compared to making of a ‘Sword’. A natural human tendency and Women are no exception. The more you try to suppress them the more stronger they will emerge.
Scenario in
educated, financially independent sect:
Does only
physical abuse cause the damage?
Women from the
urban civilization are educated, financially secure-independent. The abuse they
face may not necessarily be physical. Being educated, well read, informed they
are not prone to physical abuse but may face domestic violence in an indirect
form which hampers their psychological balance. I personally feel that
psychological imbalance is more harmful. Psychological imbalance means
threat, diffidence which makes a woman incompetent and weaker in the society.
Women belonging to this category can make their choices of living alone where
she does not have to face this harassment. The financial security she has,
gives her the freedom to make her own choices. She may not transform into a
Phoolan Devi or Sampat Pal but seek legal advice and come out of all this
unscathed physically but invisible bruises.
My thoughts in
brief:
Women should respect themselves first. Parents should try to modify the upbringing of a girl child by teaching her how she can maintain her own self respect, dignity and stand up for her own defence.
Women should respect themselves first. Parents should try to modify the upbringing of a girl child by teaching her how she can maintain her own self respect, dignity and stand up for her own defence.
She needs and
deserves more respect. The way she is looked at in our society needs a serious
reform. The unwritten rules should be wiped out and there should be gender
equality. One should realize that she is made of cells, blood, and flesh that
can feel physical pain; she has a sensitive soul, heart which can be bruised by
harsh words – this makes her the most beautiful creation of GOD. Let us all treat her with love, dignity, respect which has been due.
A humble
request to all Mums :
Teach your sons
to respect every WOMAN, teach them to be sensitive towards every WOMAN they
come across, teach them to bring in a twinkle of dignity when they see any
WOMAN.
A WOMAN is like
an ocean with waves of emotions….if tortured, disturbed limitlessly can bring
in a tsunami. After all, water in excess acts like a poison.
P.S: I know that I have only mentioned about Women
but with no intention to generalize that all Men are violent causing abuse to
Women. The act of bringing balance, reform in the society is only possible with
equal contribution by Men
