Human touch

'Pregnancy' has been the most enjoyable time in my life till date. Receiving lots of love, care, attention just adds to it. I almost wanted to be pregnant forever for selfish reasons, knew that this love, care and attention will then be for the 'baby'. I was in the UK when I conceived and those 9 months were/are very special in my life. After my first trimester I flew to India for my PhD defense - one big milestone in every researcher's life. Pregnancy has been dear to me probably as I achieved my degree for which I had toiled and slogged, it still is my most precious, invaluable achievement - a dream come true! Well coming back to my India journey, family was super happy to have me around. They were meeting me after the 'good news' broken over the phone. My Aai and Papa just wanted to see me and as every Mum feels, Aai wanted to make sure that I eat right and yes 'only right' during my stay in India. I too was looking forward to my journey and as every pregnant woman craves, I didn't have any specific cravings but craving for 'good food' and after all you don't have to be pregnant to crave for food. How can you take 'the love for food' out of an Indian? The first thing I wanted to have when I reach home was food cooked by Aai (Maa ke haath ka khana). 

As a kid I remember assisting her to shop 'green-groceries' at the 'bhaaji market'. There weren't any air conditioned, fancy malls then and such market which still persist that are air conditioned with natural air, the air which smells soupy tomatoes, fresh coriander, refreshing mint and so on, very earthy people - son and daughter's of the soil who get their freshly cut, tender leaves, fruits to the market. The love for these fresh green-groceries was inculcated in us due to my Aai. I and my brother were never fussy eaters and we loved eating Methi, Dill, Bitter gourd or any local stuff cooked by her. So when I reached home and settled, I declared that I want to go to the 'bhaaji market' and wanted Aai to cook all my favourite delicacies. there is an unwritten Indian rule that how a Mother really works hard to fulfil her pregger daughter's every wish and my Aai was on the board. It was generally in the evenings when we went to the market, as in temperate regions evenings are a bit cooler than the day time. As we stepped out of the house and walked a few steps we met a few more ladies who also were on their way to the market. We all greeted each other, Aai introduced me to all of them and shortly started walking together. It went like this

Lady A to my Aai: Is she your daughter who has recently arrived?

Aai: Yes, she just arrived 3 days ago.

Lady B: I heard that you live in London, do you?

Me: I live near London about 2.5 hours away from London.

Lady C: Do you like it there?

Me: Yeah..kind of but I miss India

Lady A: Of course, nothing like being in India. (Lady B and Lady C agreed to her in unison by nodding their heads)

All of them congratulated me when Aai said that I was carrying. 

Lady C to Aai: Make her eat Shepu (Dill) sabzi, it is good for digestion

Lady A to me: Soak a few almonds every night and have it the first thing in the morning.

Lady B to Lady A: My daughter had these soaked almonds in Milk...it worked wonders. (Lady A agreed)

Then they all spoke about everything under the sun, maids didn't turn up, no water and the hike in prices of onions and so on...

My Aai is very versatile as she is a voracious reader and I admire her for that. She just gets along with anyone and everyone. Finally we reached the market. To my right were welcoming farm fresh coriander bundles with tender green leaves were grouped. The aroma aroused my desire to have the green coriander-mint chutney. At the same time I could smell some rotten tomatoes and when I moved my neck around, in one corner I could see a few punctured, rotten tomatoes which is a usual sight in such markets. The vendors shouting or attracting the customers with their calls which almost feels like a lyrical song and very much portraying the competition amongst each other for selling their groceries. Then as we were moving ahead I stopped at the stall where fresh and purple brinjals were sold. It was a huge heap and we had to sort it out in a 'metal tokri' (basket). Aai cooks amazing peanut crush stuffed brinjal and that was my first choice. 

Aai to the vendor: what's the price/

Vendor ( a guy in his early teens) : 8 Rs/250 gms

Aai: I want 500 grams and I will pay 10 

Vendor: No Mavshi (Aunty) I can't..these are fresh and you won't find them anywhere here

Aai: I just saw them at the other stall and he was ready for the deal

Vendor: Looked at me and then Aai...here and there and said 'OK' adding that this deal was only for us (which was untrue)

We happily picked up nice, fresh, purple brinjals (almost visualizing them in the form of stuffed brinjals), paid and moved ahead. Aai is so good at bargaining and I am not. It definitely is an art, I just give up feeling that the person at the other is only making a living out of this and I can't be unfair to him/her. Many a times this feeling of honesty has not been reciprocated and I felt cheated. Anyways we moved on and bought more greens. 

As we were passing by the stalls of Methi, Okra, Potatoes someone called 'Bai...Bai' (Madam..Madam) and we turned back. She was a woman in 50's, thin and medium height, big black eyes and with a big kum kum bindi on her forehead. Her green cotton saree with a maroon border (famous Maharashtrian-Karnataka Irkal) and her dusky complexion made her very attractive. She was the same lady who had been selling these groceries since I was a kid. I used to call her 'Bhaajiwali Mavshi'. To me name never mattered. Mavshi felt warm and there was an instant connection with any lady when you call her Mavshi. Well, we walked towards her and as we neared to her stall we all couldn't stop smiling and that showed how happy we were seeing each other.

Mavshi to Aai: How are you Bai? 

Aai: I am good and how are you? I don't see you often these days? 

Mavshi to Aai: I am not keeping well these days. My son or grandson come on behalf of me. I have worked hard since childhood and now can't shout and sell anymore

Aai: Good for you and I am happy that your son is helping you out.

Mavshi looking at me: How are you doing Bai? I don't remember when I saw you last but I think you were in college.

Me: Yes I remember when I met you last. I am good and I am good to see a known face in this new market

Mavshi: You are glowing..any good news? Where do you live these days?

Me (Surprised): I blushed and said Yes (with hardly visible bump she guessed it right) I live near London.

Mavshi (picked up some fruits and handed it to me) : I don't know where London is but I am happy for you...good. These are for the little one from me. They are sweeter than the one's you get in London. Eat healthy fruits and nutritious food. Don't sleep more or else the baby will be a lazy one. Enjoy your stay at your Aai's house.

Me (touched and speechless): Yes. Thank you Mavshi for these fruits. I remember you always gave me one when I was a kid and came along with Aai. 

Mavshi: I am glad that you still remember and after all, it is not about money but these small human selfless gestures keep life going.

With some more talks we bid Mavshi an adieu and left the market. I was really touched and happy to meet her. Her kind gesture though in the form of fruits for the little one made me think about the difference between shopping in the malls and at such local vendors. Does anyone care about you, your life at the malls? It's easy, pick a pack and pay at the counter. Nobody to speak, it's fast but boring. I realised that I missed this human touch. Mavshi took me back to my childhood days where as a kid I always got these little perks in the form of fruits, corns and more than this love and affection.

I wanted to tell Mavshi that the fruits indeed are sweet but people like her are sweeter than anything else. People like her make a point that not all relations are due to some vested interest and this human touch makes it special. 

How can we help Prime Minister Narendra Modi ji?

With a brand new Prime Minister Mr Narendra Modi ji, marks the beginning of a new era for India. He recently completed a month on being sworn as a PM of the world’s largest democracy. This era could be constructive and ‘hope’ is what a human has that is enough to survive and we all are full of hopes from our Mr PM. I have been reading so many articles about NaMo (fondly known as) and it almost feels like he has a ‘magical wand’ which will wipe out poverty, corruption and many such problems that developing India is facing at the moment. Does NaMo have a ‘magical wand’? Can he wipe out every problem by snapping his fingers like ‘chutkiyon mein’? Is only a one man army enough to handle millions of problems of the world’s largest democracy? I am sure all my readers have their answer ready by now and it is a big ‘NO’. He is a PM with all the power…a powerful PM but after all he is a human being. He needs his time to settle in though by now he definitely has all his strategies ready, an agenda ready to act and he is acting on many key issues but we should also remember the fact that things aren’t easy in a country like ‘India’ with diverse cultures and people with heterogeneous thinking. We all unanimously realized that country was in a desperate need of a strong leader and very importantly ‘a vision’ for our motherland. I haven’t met NaMo but his personality reflects that he has the right attitude, aptitude and confidence assures me that he will set everything right but over a period of time. 

How can we play a significant role in helping our PM?

I am a person who believes that the government should not be blamed for every small thing. Living in UK has made me understand one fact that sensible people with discipline, self-realization add to the progress of a country. Look at England, nothing is grown in this country nor manufactured. The country heavily relies on China, India, Vietnam, Pakistan and Bangladesh for everything (almost). The climatic conditions are not very pleasant but yet this country is the 'best' to live in.  People here are polite, abide by the laws and this is in the best interest of the country. 

What as Indians do we need to learn?

a)      Civic Sense: The utmost important sense which can be linked to common sense according to me. Do we Indians lack common sense? No but we like to ignore it for sure. It not only deals about cleanliness of public places but beyond that. Abiding by the laws, respect for the fellow beings which help in making a system more effective. I bet civic sense in the only panacea to the chaos we are facing in India. Why not teach our kids to thank the bus driver, auto driver, sweeper, garbage picker. Aren’t these people doing a job which needs to be applauded? I know they are being paid but would you or I do such a job if we were paid? Respect to labour rather any form of labour, dignity of labour is what Indians have to learn.

b)      Traffic Sense: The Indian traffic is world famous and the honking horns add to it. No wonder why people banter about the way we drive because it just doesn’t follow any health and safety laws. While driving, crossing road one must think the impact of his/her action on others. How many of the Indians stop at the Zebra crossing and allow the pedestrians to walk first? I never did when I drove and I detest being so inconsiderate. We expect good roads from the government but clearly the government is not responsible for the traffic chaos. Every single driver on the road seems to be super busy and is in a hurry to get his way through leaving an impression of being a VIP who is getting late for the meeting. With a poor traffic sense that we all have, we must have a certified course on traffic sense included.

c)       Respect for Women: For good or bad but the media has done the damage to India’s image as an unsafe country for Women. With high percentage of female foeticide, gang rapes, domestic violence we aren’t adding any glory to our country. Dignity and equality is what Women expect. It is just so unacceptable to offer prayers to Durga, Saraswati and Lakshmi but torture Women. Isn’t every Woman a very tiny bit of all these Goddesses’? As a society we should campaign for Women’s education, social emancipation and equality.

d)      Celebrate diversity: Only country in the world which has so much of diversity – be it language, food, colour, lifestyles and festivals. We should learn to celebrate our diversity rather fighting on petty issues. An old saying ‘Together we stand and divided we fall’ is just so apt for India. Be Indian at heart ‘first’ always!

So much more to add but I will limit myself. We need to remind ourselves that our fore fathers have earned this freedom at the cost of lots of precious lives and gallons of blood loss. We definitely have to take this country to the higher level and put it at a respectable position on the ‘globe’. Let people know that beyond curries, food and spices there exists a modern, progressive India with a government of the people, for the people and by the people. Tiny contributions are important and it is never too late. Remember the squirrel that helped Lord Rama build the bridge? Why not help Mr Modi ji build up a ‘strong, developed and progressive Nation – India’ and Ache Din Jaroor Aayenge.

!!!Jai-Hind!!!

Can 'Women' have it all?

Can 'Women' have it all? - A very interesting question without a definite answer. Some may say ‘YES’ and most of them may say ‘NO’. I am trying to figure out to which side of the answer I belong. I am now hooked to a book ‘Power Play’ by Danielle Steel. A nice read and a beautiful comparison between 2 CEO’s, Ms Fiona Carson and Mr Marshall Weston. These two powerful CEO’s of leading companies lead different lives as a human being. They play a double role - Tough, subtle, crisp, sharp as CEO’s but tender, emotive, humans after all at home. Not revealing more about the book but would like to emphasise more on Fiona’s life as a loving caring, sensitive, career oriented single mother. Was married to David for almost seventeen years and then divorced...she just finds this as a perfect life! I really got an insight of her strength, determination and the balance she tries to set in her work-home life when she is about to attend a board meeting to discuss a serious matter – leaking of news which could have proven to be a potential harm to the reputation of the company directly affecting the stock market and her phone rings. It’s her daughter Alyssa who declares that she would like to borrow her skirt for going on a date. It just took me a few minutes to realize that it does take a strong mind to tackle these two different issues…act like a CEO when needed and be a Mother to your kids. For Alyssa- a young bubbly girl, it is all about a ‘skirt’ who only is concerned about her date but for Fiona it is beyond this – a dual act and she has to come out with an appropriate solution in both the situations.

The author Danielle Steel has tried to convey that Women at higher positions or 'Power' try very hard to prove themselves as an ideal Mum, Employee, Entrepreneur and don't go Crazy rather with a firm head on shoulders progress with dignity.

Interestingly, I read an article about Indra Nooyi, PepsiCo CEO. For me Fiona is just a fictional character for a story and lives a life which has been created by the author but Ms Nooyi is a living, real Mother and a CEO. A mother to 2 daughters, she shared her thoughts about the ‘guilt’ when she never made it for the coffee mornings at her daughter’s school. How she was sent to get some milk by her Mother at that night when the board decided to appoint her as the CEO.  She even confessed that she wasn’t sure if their daughters might regard her as a ‘Best Mother’. She owes her success to her extended family which actually consists of her office staff, friends and family. She beautifully framed a difficult feeling into words – ‘Biological clock and career clock are just complete conflicts!’ When you have to raise your career then you also have to raise your kids. I couldn’t agree more to this. She engaged her staff for instance; her secretary was provided a questionnaire for her daughter. Whenever her daughter rang up to speak to Mummy for her permission to play a game, the secretary would check if she completed her homework and few other questions. If the answers were appropriate as decided by her CEO Mum then she got the permission to play the game. To the question if ‘Can you have it all?’ she spontaneously answers ‘No’! The reason is every moment, every decision puts you in a situation where you are bound to think that you are a Mother, Wife, Daughter, Daughter-in Law and at last CEO…so you can never have it all.

While I am still hooked to ‘Power Play’ and totally impressed by Fiona but I can’t stop adoring Ms Nooyi for her role as a CEO and Mum. Women like her are a role model for many and such honest confessions from such a strong ‘Woman’ only boosts our spirits and inspires us to achieve our dreams and aims but with a BALANCE without a guilt. Millions of Women worldwide, sole bread earners or working for their dreams, highly paid or less paid, high profile jobs or low profile jobs, for that matter a home-maker too deserve a lot of appreciation and support to bring out the best in them. Though we can’t have it all but a positive approach towards it is the key to success.

There is a role model in every Woman

Finally, a bit of Fiona and Indra Nooyi does exist in every Woman! 

Cheers.

Is it all about English Vinglish?

This question has been boggling my mind for quite a few days. Is English a global language? Is it globally accepted or just forced on the worldizens (citizens of World)? Very recently we had been to Paris and what a magnificent city! Rich culture and so much of history. Almost every monument narrates you its story. A promenade around the beautiful architecture depicts that how progressive human being were! In this world of technology where only mini robots are created now..yes aren't we all kinda robots? Our addiction to technology which is taking us away from little pleasures, killing our creativity is a matter of concern. It was during the evolution of human beings that first pictures were a form of communication followed by sign language and then perhaps so many languages evolved. So coming to the point - What is the harm in being proud about your mother tongue? Is it quintessential that we succumb to English? Frankly if you don't know English your IQ isn't changing or it doesn't mean that you are dumb. Probably on an international platform you might be unable to express yourself, your views but I guess with so much advanced technology language can't be a barrier anymore. Well coming back to Paris, the Parisians are proud about French. I experienced that some of them prefer French first and then English. Did you know about a saying that 'wrongly spoken French is English!' We Indians are very much at ease with speaking, writing English rather in many families English has taken over their mothertongue. It is a personal choice but practising English should be an individual's choice and not imposed. I have also seen that your status can be linked with your knowledge about English. Some Indians strongly relate sophistication to English knowledge.

How and Why did English emerge as a global language?

Hate it or Like it, an unwritten law is that English is a global language. If studied deeper then there are reasons behind English taking over the globe. It all started with Britain ruling more than quarter of the globe and colonization strongly influenced propagation of English. All the official matters were dealt in English during their rule and even when they left, English had creeped in the education system and took over as an official language. In a country like India where more than 1500 languages are spoken, it is difficult to have one language as a National Language. Though Hindi is widely used in all government offices but there are states who have Hindi aversion syndrome. So in India English has flourished more than any other language in unison but we should not forget our mothertongue. 

Later English widely spread due to US as all the softwares developed were in English. So basically English is favored more due to technology. Imagine if the softwares were in Chinese...would Chinese be the global language? Probably not due to Mandarin being a difficult language to learn. The easy grammar that English has makes it more popular, lesser words so more preferences.

A Proper Balance

I am not against any language and every language needs to be respected. I would love if my daughter AS could learn all the languages on the planet! This is just impossible. At home I speak with her in Marathi and KS in Hindi. KS being a punjabi munda doesn't know fluent Punjabi and we do feel bad about it...how nice it would have been if AS knew Marathi, Punjabi, Hindi and English which anyways she will pick up at school or while growing. On a positive note knowing more languages is so beneficial, keeps your brain active. I know 5 Indian languages and can read French (understand a bit) which is so useful. I can easily connect with people due to this. Frankly there should be no aversion for any language. It is the duty of mankind to preserve all languages and being a multilinguist adds to your personality. We met a Romanian woman in Paris who is settled in Canada. She knew French, Romanian, German, Croatian (related Scandinavian languages) and American English. She also said that Americans expect that everybody should speak English and if they can't then they aren't developed. This attitude is growing more and more, hence I say a fine balance is required. My Aai (mother) flew to London from Mumbai all alone. First time in flight and that too international. Knows to read and write English but basic and simple as she did all her schooling in Marathi. I was so worried about her whether she will make it all alone. And yes she did it! I am so proud of her as she proved that knowing English is not THE thing. She is an example to many in our family & friends now.

Finally it is not all about English Vinglish. If you don't know to speak fluently or write correctly then don't feel inferior. You learn till you live so keep learning and keep living....

Cheers.

My Daddy BESTEST...

My Daddy Strongest....do you remember the advertisement which had this solid sentence that was so catchy and I remember the sentence? I can almost feel the pride, experience those goose bumps when I think how blessed I am to have a FATHER like my PAPA. It is always a mother who is closely associated to the child since birth and she gets all the credits of bringing up the best in the child but the secret efforts of a father sometimes go unnoticed. I am witnessing a father's feeling towards his child only due to KS and the fantastic doting father he plays to our AS. Father's day is just around the corner and I would like to take this opportunity to pay an ode to the Men who have evolved as fantastic Father's. Focusing on my Papa and Aadhya's Papa....

AS and her Ajoba - moment to cherish forever

Whatever good in me today is only because of these men (including my Brother RJ) and I can't thank them enough. Papa, in our house has always been very soft, never too vocal, more of a friend to me and RJ. He always tried and still tries to give us the BEST. I still remember how as kids we made him sleep between us and then kept on moving his neck in order to have him faced to both of us turn by turn. He was the one who always assisted us to the loo, to the kitchen whenever thirsty at nights and never ever do I remember any crinkles on his forehead. An extremely religious person and a god fearing human being he gave us the right education about our values and ethics. I won't ever forget that he fasted for me only because I could pass in Mathematics and when passed used to perform a pooja at Raghvendra Swami's temple....such has been his love and support to me. He always believes that a person with values like honesty and simplicity can be successful in whatever he undertakes. Extremely hard working he has set an example for us that life is never a cakewalk and there are no shortcuts.I still remember the day when my Aai told me that he sobbed for a month after I got married and was no more a part of his family (traditionally and culturally). Lots to share but inadequacy of space...I pray to God to bless him with good health and happiness always. Love you Papa....can't really stop my tears rolling....

Together they make every moment special

Moving on to Aadhya's father KS - we are proud parents to AS and this journey till now hasn't been easy. It has been enjoyable only and only due to KS and his fatherly instincts. A 21st century father who spent nights reading books about babies, their health problems and changed her first nappy. He was so elated when AS was given in his arms...just like a kid with a new toy which he has longed for! Holding her in his arms and teary eyed when he kissed her forehead I knew he will be a fantastic father. I always feel that his fatherly instincts are sharper than my motherly instincts. The way he cares for her minutest requirements leaves me spellbound. Whenever he is with her it has to be physically and mentally...he gives her his 100%. Never ever he loses his cool on AS in whatever situations ...I can't be this cool. Looking at him when he is immersed in playing with her makes me think that my Papa too must have done the same for me! Whether be physically, financially or on any fronts he always wants the best for KS. I always tell AS (though she doesn't understand) thay she is lucky and blessed to have a caring fathet like KS. Looking for new food recipes for AS, reading and literature survey about vitamins for kids are a few examples that define a 21st century father's concern in KS. On behalf of Aadhya I wish him lots of happiness and good health..I know he is waiting to listen to Aadhya wishing him very soon.

Every daughter has a role model in her Father. No one can ever touch that place.

A concoction for a father from his daughter....

You taught me to laugh and I knew what happiness meant,

You taught me to walk and I knew what trust meant,

You bought me gifts and I knew what pampering meant,

AS celebrating her first Father's day with beloved Papa

You taught me to drive and I knew what friendship meant,

The small little everythings you did for me,

At the cost of sacrifices for thee,

If life is a sky with twinkling stars,

You 'Papa' have been my invaluable star...rather Super Star....

Let's say together...My Daddy BESTEST...cheers..:)

Ajoba's special moment with his grand-daughters

Drawing a THIN LINE

There has always been a debate in my mind whether Globalisation has been a boon or a curse! To be more specific for India. I don’t have neither any values in percentage or nor any proof about it but I do feel that it has changed the way the society thinks now. The more harmful is the influence of ‘west over east’. India is blessed with diversity and has still is the oldest civilization. A secular nation with different religions and I believe it happens happily. The very strong base of our culture be it any religion has always been a ‘family’. We are emotionally charged and seldom practical, I am no exception. I always put my family first and I am proud about this. So coming to the point, in this era of globalisation where we explore that anything and everything can be a ‘career’ which has played a crucial role in the upliftment of Indian Women. Any art or skill from Cooking, Sewing, mehndi art, knitting art, making Rangoli, Dancing can be a profession now. I have many friends who give lessons based on their expertise and are independent. Not everyone has a perfect qualification to go in a job and more than this the Indian Woman sacrifices her career to be with kids and family. She compromises on this front by maintaining her own identity in any small way that could also support the family economically. These Women are often neglected under the limelight of other successful Women – who make it big. An Ode to this Woman in the background who does everything in the favour of the family should be given. 

Recently, I had lunch with my Indian colleague’s wife SM, a very attractive, smart and talkative (just like me) female. This was our second meeting and very soon we were talking about everything under the sun. She told me how she left her job after they had a baby to look after him and enjoy motherhood dutifully. Now as their son is grown enough and about to join a school she desperately wants to get back to work. I absolutely know how it feels when you were working and busy once upon a time bubbling with confidence that could win the world for you. A maternity break for every woman is very difficult to overcome and I have gone through this. One has to overcome mental, physical, unknown inhibitions, fears, jitters of going back to work. Going back to work is primarily for a burning desire to doing something for yourself as you know you are worth it and secondly but most importantly financial independence! Rather I would say these days it is more of financial independence. SM and I agreed on this aspect. However loving and caring husband one has why does every woman/wife feels the need to be independent financially? We both laughed out when we unarguably agreed on one thing – Happiness is when I buy/shop for my stuff and pay through my debit card! I guess that you too are smiling now…hold it…isn’t that true? There were times when KS (my husband) would lend me his debit card (during my PhD) but I never felt like spending or shopping using his card. Was I egoistic unnecessarily? Probably it was an immature streak in me which has completely changed now.

I still remember as a child when I used to see my Papa withdrawing his salary from the bank when there were no ATM’s or these debit cards and one had to wait in a queue with the token until being called. He very religiously use hand over the salary to my Aai (mother). She would keep the bundle in the ‘pooja ghar’ for a while and then lock it in the cupboard. That bundle used to be my Aai’s responsibility. She would manage the monthly expense in that certain amount. Like every middle class family we too had a budget and a bill book where she recorded every single paisa spent. I never saw any awkwardness on her face while she used Papa’s salary for any expense. The money belonged to all of us, we were so happy and there were no terms like ‘my money’ or ‘your money’. Everything was OURS. I think when Aai could manage that why can’t I? Is there any harm in being ‘ambitious’, ‘independent’? Actually most of us forget that being ambitious is a thin line between being ‘ambitious’ and ‘over-ambitious’ or ‘independent and overly-independent’. A family is closely knit only because each of the members is dependent on the other for some or the other reason. If every member is over ambitious, overly independent then is there any need to live as a family? Why would one come home for? This could be one of the reasons for disturbed marriages. 

Is it not very important to draw a thin line between certain issues in order to maintain a family life? Having such unimportant thoughts, false assumptions reflect badly on your personal life. We should preserve our tradition of living in joint families but with a change. Every member should respect each other, no discrimination on any basis. There is no harm to say sorry and amend matter instead of stretching which is just like chewing a tasteless chewing-gum. Human beings are social animals and we should stress more on living together as we can preserve our culture and pass on the good to the next generation. I don't say everything from the 'West' is rubbish but only absorb 'GOOD'. Don't allow it to take you over.

I don’t want to sound like an old-fashioned, over preachy Aunt but I am old-fashioned who hopelessly believes that Old is Gold!

A post from an Insecure Woman...

The very first thing when I enter my office is keep my bag on the table, hang my overcoat and switch on the computer. Before starting my actual work I like settling in and that happens by reading some news on Yahoo, Rediff and then BBC. I always am keen on knowing about the news in Asia. On Yahoo and Rediff these days it is all about our brand new PM, his strategies and so on. I was surfing I read two heinous crimes, first gang rape of 2 cousins and second - kids in Maharashtra bein sexually abused to an extent that if they refused to perform a sexual act were forced to eat dog's excreta. Isn't it shameful that India is till in a pool of dirt and crap! We aren't rising above these issues...December 2012 happened the sensational case of Nirbhaya. The stir, social awareness, unity and anger among the society was unseen before. I had some hopes and thought that this would be a signal for those creepy, sly guys with perverted minds lauding that 'watch out you perverted guys we won't let you do this again and if you still plan then run for your lives'. It clearly indicated that they will have to limit themselves from committing such horrific crimes but I am proved wrong! They commit the crime and kill the girls by hanging them on a tree. Doesn't this create fear, terror in the hearts of those who have seen those girls hanging? Who gave them the right to decide a fate for those girls? Well after Yahoo and Rediff, I read the Asia section of BBC and felt a pinch in my stomach to read about this gang rape and about the other unfortunate woman in Pakistan who was 'stoned to death'. Why does a woman have no rights to live life as her ownself? Why does she need an approval from the society for whatever she decides? Reading all this I am certainly convinced that Women in Asia aren't secure, are disrespected and are objects of sex only.

I have been reading a lot of fictional novels based on Royal families from England and France. Surprisingly I learnt that Women then too were objects of fun, pleasure basically used for trade, in short. Princess from England married to a Prince of France so that they have a peace treaty done under the name of this marriage. Princess of Italy married to Prince of France. The Princess from the Royal family was sent with a huge trousseau of extravagant apparels,  jewelleries and not to mention lots of money to the Royal family where she is getting married in. This Princess who later becomes a Queen has to bore children and more appropriately warrior legitimate chidren whereas the King is free ti fkirt with anyone to produce bastards. The Queen has her own Confidants and very well knows about the numerous affairs of the King but has to bear all this in the name of the Royal Family. The history has been written by Men powerful and diplomatic where Women was always seen as an object for manipulation, trading with no voice of her own and was only looked as a system to prduce heir(s). The Indian history dates back to Rani Laxmibai who was married to a King who was more than double her age.

In short, I feel sad being an Indian Woman. I have a daughter and I admit that I feel insecure when I read such horrifying acts. Does this bother you? Don't we deserve a dignified status? Why we are looked as only an object who is weak? Sometimes I very well connect with Phoolan Devi and Sampat Pal. They did the right thing of being rebellious. It is high time that we should rise and stop this injustice...India has a bigger challenge of gender discrimination more than anything.

I feel relaxed after writing this post...at least it helped me to vent my discomfort but I am concerned and worried being a Woman who is unsafe and insecure in our Indian Society. Should we stop reading fairy tales to our daughters and stop making them dreamy, instead start making them stronger able to defend themselves emotionally and physically?

‘I…Me…Myself’

These days I am in an exploring mood. After a gruelling PhD time which I would like to compare to winter and at the moment life is just like 'spring' for me…so beautiful bringing in tender hopes of a warm, shiny and liveable promising summer.  I often go out for shopping these days and to be more specific Window Shopping! There is something very enchanting about window shopping over actual shopping. The wonderful feeling is because you don’t have to swipe your ‘magic card’ for window shopping or shell those crispy currency notes from your wallet. Window shopping keeps you well informed about the current trend which helps you to exhibit your knowledge amongst your girls gang. Enough of comparison…it almost feels as though I am writing another 'PhD thesis on Shopping'! Recently ‘AS’ turned a year old and to congratulate me on this achievement I received a number of discount coupons from Boots pharmacy. Bringing up a child is a joint effort so after receiving these coupons I felt the Dads are left cheated, they never receive any pampering. Coming to the point, one coupon was for a ‘free makeover’. This was very exciting and I was sure about going for it. The reason behind is I almost looked like a Zombie leading the most erotic life when I was a new Mum. The other Mums under the make-up cake gave me a complex which made me feel miserable. I booked an appointment with Boots for the 'No.7' makeup. Very frankly I have been someone who likes living and looking very simple. That is the way I have been brought up and I feel proud of my Aai (Mum) who taught me prioritise events in my life. She was very keen about my studies and was always on a look out of the intellectual impact of whatever I do. So it was always studies first (though I was never a book worm or a studious geek) and then followed everything.

I was full of excitement about this makeover as the last time I wore makeup during my wedding. Every bride wants to look her best and I was no exception but after the makeup I felt so awkward and artificial. Looking at the mirror I was like, ‘this is not ME!’ but everyone said I looked good and I was forced to agree. With all these thoughts, memories oozing out I sat on the chair. The girl who was assigned to do the makeover looked pretty with eyes neatly lined using an eyeliner, extra-long, curled eyelashes, cherry red lips (of course due the lipstick) and a very radiant skin (due to the extra radiance foundation). She checked my skin tone first and then started. She asked me which foundation shade I preferred? I was lost and with no answer almost fumbling I looked at her. Honestly told her that I am a novice and gave her consent to go ahead with whatever she feels is suitable for me. In almost 15 minutes the makeover was done. She was all praises, went ga-ga that I looked beautiful and how the No.7 products are awesome. Handing me the mirror she smiled at the next client. I looked at myself and was confused. I didn’t look the original me, felt a pang of awkwardness. Anyways, I thanked her and left the place. Took a bus back home and though nobody was even bothered about me, my makeup I almost felt that everyone on the bus was staring me or rather thinking how foolish I look!? Till I reached home I was only looking down and smiling over my decision for having painted my face. After arriving home I felt more comfortable. Rushed to the bathroom and splashed loads of water to wash the make-up, cleaned the smudged mascara with cleansing milk and splashed more and more water to make sure that it was all washed. Dabbed the water using a flannel and looked in the mirror…ahh what a relief to see myself, feel my skin. No awkwardness everything normal and natural.

This is when I realized – I don’t need a make-up to look outstandingly beautiful. Why makeover if it doesn’t make me feel comfortable? I look charming due to the smile which is honest and straight from my heart, due to a starry shine of intelligence in my eyes and a right attitude towards life. A well-qualified, well learned young lady that I am, do I need this show-shaa? Certainly the radiant personality that I have doesn’t need any make-up that is fake. I also concluded no cosmetic brand, apparel brand can define me as ‘I..me..myself’ am a Brand full with confidence, appropriate knowledge and thoughts those are mine – not influenced by anyone. Is there any need to follow anyone? Absolutely not! 

I am not the only one who has encountered such things and there are many who would agree to me. You can be like others by imitating them but there can’t be anyone like ‘you’. You are unique, different in your own way and hence you are a BRAND. Brand yourself with everything that makes you feel comfortable, gives you confidence to conquer your fears, and makes you look and feel natural, complete! I always find Unconventional is beautiful, Imperfect is beautiful and more important is 'Right attitude'...Cheers!!